I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
