im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
