what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
