I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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