I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just saw a hot homeless man
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
