I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
