You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
