He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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