goodnight i made you a song goodbye
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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