You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
