i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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