Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
