I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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