It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
