No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You can't just leave with hair like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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