Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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