i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
