you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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