Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
