so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
