every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
