wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
whose ass print is on the piano?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
