I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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