just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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