I look better un-naked...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
