this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
