So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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