Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
