come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
