Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
