do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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