Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Im part way to drunk.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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