ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
