I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
