All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
