I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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