a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
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We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
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The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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