Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
