Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
