Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
