i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
