Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
