when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
