just tell him i said nine months
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
