I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
When did angry sex become our thing?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
