His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
