I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
