Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
