READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
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i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
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The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
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