Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
