i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
