People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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