Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
