forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
