I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
