Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
