it was like his penis was on wheels.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
