It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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