She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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