He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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