is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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