kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
