What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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