I wish I could teleport
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
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