I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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