Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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