Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.

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(618): View more from Illinois

So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.

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(247): View more from

Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.

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(917): View more from New York City

I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.

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(208): View more from Idaho

well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.

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(301): View more from Maryland

Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call

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(303): View more from Colorado

Have I told you i love you?

(970): View more from Colorado

there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery

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