Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
