He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
