I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
